i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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