also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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