What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
