the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
