Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
