You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
