i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Four minutes until I can fart!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
