it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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