im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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