Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
