need another drink. this is the easiest way
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need water and some morals
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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