I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
