If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
