Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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