stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I didn't notice because vodka
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize