We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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