Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
