This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
