Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
