She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
