Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
