that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
