he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize