You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
