kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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