The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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