dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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