your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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