I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
