The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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