I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize