i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
