Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So vagazzling was a success
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
