Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Two words: blizzard sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
