Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
