My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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