last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize