my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
