mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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