oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
And then he peed in my hair
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