if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
