I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My ATM looks so different sober.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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