bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
