The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize