Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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