he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
