So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize