also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
