he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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