I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
