I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
