One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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