Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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