But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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