Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
