sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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