Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
