remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
