I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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