I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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