I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
