Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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