I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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