White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize