i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
