do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
