I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
