I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
