You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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