Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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