i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
