At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
