so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
