Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
