I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
