I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
