but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize